


Closer

by Love_and_Fear



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aaron dreams of Robert, Aaron moving on... but not quite, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Aaron, But knows he can't have him :(, Explicit Sexual Content, Friendship/Love, Gay Sex, M/M, One Night Stands, Riding, Rimming, not a robron fic, robron flashback scenes, sorry :(
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:20:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25953586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_and_Fear/pseuds/Love_and_Fear
Summary: Still not completely over Robert, Aaron goes out and meets a stranger.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Luke Posner, Aaron Dingle/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 85





	1. The Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after the coronavirus episode where Aaron received the letter from Robert. There will be mentions of Robert, but unfortunately he is not a character in this fic - there won't be no robron endgame :( but Aaron still loves and always will love Robert. Even if he does try to move on.
> 
> The title comes from the NIN song.

Aaron walked into the club with his hands tightly tucked into his jean pockets, his head down.

The gay club - Prism - was in East London, he'd only discovered it three months ago and had come back every other Saturday since. Bar West used to be his favourite place to loosen up and maybe pull in, but once he moved to London (needed a fresh start in a place where no one knew about a sleepy village called Emmerdale, or a man called Robert Sugden-Dingle who used to live in The Mill) there was no way for him to go back to the club which held so many good and bad memories for him.

Bar West, Hotten and Emmerdale were all the past. Aaron needed and wanted to move on. He had to face forward.

Coronavirus had been a scary time for Aaron, like everyone else in the world. Being locked inside with a sulking and pinning Cain had been difficult, especially at the beginning when his uncle was bottling his feelings up and refusing to talk. Liv hadn't been great company either to be honest. She had practically barricaded herself in her room, too busy playing games all day so Aaron barely saw her, and if he did, her eyes had been constantly plastered to her phone, too busy talking to Vinny (her now boyfriend) to engage with her older brother. That left Aaron alone with just his thoughts most of the time.

And no matter how much he wish it wasn't so.....his thoughts were always dominated by one man.

Robert. 

Aaron worried about his ~~husband~~ \- ex husband (he was ever going to get used to that) The virus had spread to prisons and he had been scared that Robert could have been ill, or could have died from it, and he would have been none the wiser. With nothing else to occupy his mind, all he thought about was Robert in those empty days of nothing. He was driving himself insane with worry, but then Aaron had received Robert's letter, like a little miracle in the middle of hell. Robert had apologised and explained why he did what he did - why he cut off ties with Aaron so harshly. The relief Aaron felt not just from hearing from the love of his life for the first time since that painful first and only prison visit, but also to have confirmation that Robert did, in fact, love Aaron just as much as Aaron loved Robert had been immense. The weight of low self esteem, hurt and insecurity lifted with each neatly sprawled word his ~~husband~~ \- ex husband wrote on the paper. Aaron felt.....maybe not free - he would never be free of his love for Robert, or free of the whispers of regret and bitterness for not getting the life that he knew he and Robert had deserved together.....But he felt ready to start again. 

The letter also provided Aaron with some much needed closure. He loved/loves Robert with all his he had/has, always has, always will. But Robert didn't take back his decision for a divorce, he also didn't grant Aaron visitation rights - the situation was the same, and Aaron knew they were over, letter or not. He had to crack on with his life, move on the best he could and live a life for the two of them. The eventual end to the coronvirus nightmare had been the clean slate Aaron had needed. The push to start afresh. 

He decided to sell The Mill not long after, much to Liv, his mum and Paddy's dismay. They told him it was his home - Liv's home - that he belonged there, not just in The Mill, but in Emmerdale too. But his home, the house Robert had built for them to grow old in, hadn't felt like home since Aaron lost him, neither did the village for that matter. Liv was moving to Aberdeen for uni in September anyway, Cain was always going to reunite with Moira, and Seb was never coming back, Rebecca made sure of it - Aaron didn't want to live alone in a house which was built to be filled with his and Robert's football team of children. He happily sold the property to a young LGBT family looking for the safety and quietness of village life - they were two parents, three kids and a dog. They were a family that deserved The Mill. Aaron, husbandless and childless - didn't.

He moved to London a month after. Choosing the capital, so different and miles away from Emmerdale, had been a purposeful choice. He was anonymous there, a nobody who was left to try and get on with his life. He was free from the past there.

With a goal in mind Aaron weaved his way in an already packed nightclub and slipped into a small gap of space by the buzzing bar, ignoring the bloke next to him tutting in disapproving for pushing in.

"What would you like mate?" The bartender asked loudly over the thumping music, her hair was a loud electric blue, made all the brighter by the strobe lighting bouncing off the mirrored walls.

"A pint of....." he peered at rows of bottles in the fridges behind, trying to find a decent one that wasn't overly priced. (Fuck London prices) "...Peroni and two shots of tequila, ta?" He requested with a shout. 

Moving on from Robert was easier said then done. He wasn't quite ready to date anyone else, and he wasn't sure when he would be either. He was, however, happy with hooking up. Unlike earlier in the year, when he was using sex for the wrong reasons (a new found way to self harm and degrade himself) he now had sex because he wanted to, because he enjoyed it - a lot. He'd always been good at it and it took his mind off the things he'd lost in life. The life he'd lost in November 2019. 

He hadn't had sex since his last outing in the club two weeks ago, so he was hoping to pull again - he needed the release. Some Dutch courage would help settle his nerves and quieten the small voice in his head that told him was betraying his ~~husband~~ \- ex husband. He knew it wasn't true, but it was hard to shake the voice. He suspected he would never shake it off completely. He had to accept that.

"Here you are." The bartender said, slapping down the pint with a slosh, followed by two shots of tequila; slices of lime balanced precariously on top. "That's £14.50 mate?" Yeah, fuck London prices!

Despite the rip off price, Aaron handed over the money, then necked the two shots one after the other, their buzz hitting his bloodsteam immediately. He left the shot glasses by the bar and took his pint to find a good place to settle.

The club was stuffy, the air thick with the smell of sweat, aftershave and alcohol. Aaron started to regret wearing his black jumper when sweat started trickling down his spine. He ignored it the best he could and looked around, trying to find someone to strike his fuse. He settled for a space just to the right of the heaving dancefloor, the DJ playing some 80s "club classic" as he passed his decks.

The night looked to be a disappointing one. Aaron had almost finished his third pint of the night, yet no one was peaking his interest even slightly. No one was sticking out from the busy crowd and stirring Aaron's blood.

He was about to give up for the night and head back to his flat when he felt a presence behind him suddenly.

"Hi," The man was middle aged, tall, with crows feet and greying temples. He was clearly still in good shape though, if the tight fitted shirt he was wearing was anything to go by. He was standing so close to Aaron, he could feel his hot breath on his already heated skin. It helped ignite the flames of interest low in Aaron's gut for the first time since he'd stepped foot in the place.

"Hi," He replied back, looking back at the men intensely. He had a proper look at him then. He was fit, really fit. His greying hair was styled in a slick and sophisticated - poncey- manner and his tight trousers emphasised his best assets. He wasn't what Aaron usually went for, not like he had a type really, but he got Aaron's blood spiking regardless. He was interested.

"What's your name?" He said it so close to Aaron's ear, he could smell the older man's cologne now. It was woody and manly and the smell went straight to Aaron's groin, hardening it with attraction.

"Why'd you wanna know?" He decided to ask, flirty and playing hard to get.

The older man's eyes lit up at the standoffishness, his smile broadening. "Because I want to know the name of the man I'm buying a drink for?" He said smoothly, his eyes sharp and alluringly dark.

Aaron rolled his eyes, amused. "Aaron. And yours?"

"Rex Hughes."

"Right..." Aaron shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

Rex smiled toothily, "You're a man of few words, aren't you Aaron." He stated, leaving emphasis on Aaron's name - the sexy tone got lust creeping across Aaron's skin.

"I guess," Aaron shrugged again, smiling slightly. "Are you getting my drink or what?" he pressed flirtatiously.

He could tell "Rex" liked it. The older man nodded his head and slipped past Aaron - much closer than necessary, to slink up to the bar. Aaron watched him, biting down on his bottom lip. The atmosphere was loaded when he brought the drinks back, both men eying each other up intensely over their glasses. Rex asked Aaron a few questions, which he answered in his typical monosyllabic fashion.

"My flat isn't far from here." Aaron said suggestively, cutting to the chase. He wanted to fuck, not have a conversation.

Rex's eyes were gleaming lustfully at the suggestion, a breathy laugh tumbling out of his wide mouth. "You don't mess around....I like that." He smiled wolfishly, revealing a perfect row of whitened teeth. "Lead the way."

Aaron blood felt laced with explosives as they walked back to his, Rex so close behind him, his presence left Aaron keyed up and half hard in his jeans. Luckily Aaron wasn't lying when he said his flat wasn't far. The walk to his was less than 15 minutes and Rex followed Aaron closely up the stairs and down the corridor until they got to his door, number 203. Aaron's flat was nice but small, in an area that wasn't great but wasn't awful. Aaron couldn't afford anything more extravagant with the wage he was on at the garage he worked at. Rex, with his expensive shirt and expensive cologne probably wouldn't have been caught dead in a place like Aaron's normally.

He didn't seem particularly bothered though. He was kissing up Aaron's neck as the younger man struggled to open his door, the keys jittering in his hand as he sighed in pleasure. Eventually he got the door open and Rex turned Aaron around to claim his lips in a dominate and powerful kiss, Aaron melted into it, allowing Rex to force his mouth open and twist his tongue inside.

He moaned at feeling of the older man's lithe and hot tongue twisting around his own, the feeling so enjoyable he didn't notice that he was getting walked backwards towards his bedroom, Rex kicking the door closed blindly. He was rock-hard now, pulsing in his jeans and he was desperate to fuck. He let himself be pushed onto the unkept bed and he watched on in lust as Rex slowly started unbuttoning his shirt, revealing mouth watering tanned skin underneath. The more buttons undone the more Aaron got to see and he couldn't help but be impressed by the older man's body - he was in better shape than Aaron!

He was seriously fit and Aaron couldn't stop his hand from wandering down his jeans, and soon he was palming himself as he watched Rex strip, gasping quietly at the friction. Finished with his shirt, Rex then threw it seductively to the floor and started undoing his leather belt. Soon that was on the floor and he was slinking out of his suit trousers, revealing tight, white briefs holding an impressive package. He was hard too, pre cum was creating a wet patch in the tight material. Aaron was desperate to taste him.

He was about to start undoing his own jeans, but he was stopped by Rex slapping his hand away. "No! I'll do it." He said with such a dominance Aaron could feel his cock hardened more and leak even more pre cum. Fuck was the man sexy. Aaron loved to be dominated.

Following orders Aaron moved his hands away from his jeans, let Rex place them over his head and then the older man was rubbing Aaron's bulge through his too-tight jeans. His hand was fast and tight fisted. "Fuck," Aaron moaned, "I need you to touch me properly."

"Don't worry, I'll look after you." Rex promised, then kissed Aaron breathless. Still standing, he forced Aaron's legs apart and stood between them. His experienced and deft fingers undid Aaron's belt quickly, pulling it out of the loops and throwing it onto the pile of clothes already on the floor. He then painfully slowly pulled the zip of Aaron's jeans down and popped the button. Aaron let out a loud moan when his hand pushed inside and grabbed his cock, pumping it slowly and to full hardness.

He was spreading Aaron's pre cum over his tip, getting the shaft wet, and Aaron continued to moan away. Rex bent down to kiss Aaron as his hand kept jacking Aaron off, leaving Aaron almost breathless and speechless.

"I'm going to taste you now," He said seductively, giving Aaron a bruising kiss then pulling away immediately. Aaron tried in vain to chase the older man's lips, but they went out of reach.

And before he knew it, Rex had whipped off his jeans and pants in one fell swoop, his hard on was suddenly bouncing off his stomach, wetting it and shooting pleasure down his groin. The man made a move to pull up Aaron's jumper next, but even in his lust fogged mind, he still stopped him.

"No, it stays on." Aaron told him. He would never show his scars to a one night stand. The last man to see them, to kiss them, was Robert and he would be the last for a long, long time.

"That's okay," Rex whispered, kissing Aaron in understanding. He kneeled onto the bed between Aaron's open legs and took Aaron's cock into his mouth, finding the back of his throat immediately.

"Shit, ahh... god, don't stop." Aaron babbled. His fingers found the back of Rex's head and he tugged on the salt and pepper locks. Moaning and writhing at the suction and wet heat. "Fuck, you're so good at this."

His mouth was relentless, bobbing up and down the hard shaft, alternating between deep throating and tonguing at Aaron's slit, mixing his pre cum with saliva. Aaron was so close to coming already, his chest was heaving with it, his skin slippery with sweat. He couldn't speak.

Rex kept going, sucking hungrily on Aaron's bellend, enjoying the taste and moaning around the shaft. Aaron was about to blow, thought he was going to blow any minute with the relentless pleasure. But then suddenly the older man pulled off with a satisfied smirk. Aaron whined at the loss.

"You taste amazing Aaron." He said with delight, licking his lips. The cold air of the room hit Aaron's wet, rock hard dick and he groaned in frustration. He had been so close.

"Why did you stop then?" He questioned shakily. He fingered his nipples to stimulate some sort of pleasure for himself, then took his cock in hand, wet with his pre cum and the man's spit.

Rex watched on, eyes filled with a dominate lust. He looked like he wanted to eat Aaron alive. "I want to taste you elsewhere." He explained. And before Aaron could ask him what he meant, he was turning Aaron onto his stomach and spreading his ass cheeks.

"Ahh, yeah... fuck." Aaron said. He could feel the older man's breath on his hole, it was clenching and fluttering in anticipation. Rex made no move to get closer to him, so Aaron pushed his ass closer wantonly, "Please?"

He was about to beg again but the words died on his tongue as he felt Rex's own lick around the circumference of his hole, getting it wet and fluttering again. Aaron keened at the feeling, fuck did it feel good. He always loved to be rimmed, Robert being the best he'd ever experienced. His ~~husband~~ \- ex husband could get Aaron coming untouched from the point of his tongue alone.

Rex wasn't bad himself. In fact, he was good, really good. He knew exactly what he was doing as he moved his tongue languidly around Aaron's hole, lapping at the skin and teasing entering with just the tip. Aaron was rutting against the bed now, creating a double stimulation that left him moaning into the duvet. He almost lost his mind when he felt the older man finally dip into his hole, immediately licking and tasting around his tight walls.

"Oh god."Aaron toes were curling, heat was coiling like molten metal in his stomach. "Don't stop." Rex was eating Aaron out now, his tongue was a relentless tormentor fucking into Aaron and licking him wet. He going at it like a starving man, Aaron was in heaven - pushing his ass closer to the other man's working mouth, desperate for him to taste deeper.

It was so so good, Aaron would have happily come like that, on Rex's tongue inside him. But the man had other plans.

He pulled away and bit into Aaron's ass cheek. "You're so hot Aaron. You should hear yourself, so vocal for me." He said heavy with lust, "I bet you look so fucked out too, let me see you." He turned Aaron back onto his back and he groaned when he saw Aaron's fuck out expression. "You're fucking beautiful." he said, before reaching down and claiming Aaron's open mouth.

He could taste himself on Rex's lips, making him whine against his lips. "Do you have any supplies?" Rex asked as he pulled away. He was rubbing smooth circles into Aaron's inner thighs, making them tremble.

Aaron swallowed, nodding his head afterwards. "Yeah, in the draw," He pointed to his bed locker to the right. Rex pulled out the bottle of lube and a pack of ribbed condoms, leaving them on the bed to kiss Aaron again. "I only top." Rex warned, commanding and sexy.

Aaron shrugged a shoulder, "I bottom," He replied back. He and Robert were versatile together, Aaron bottoming most of the time, but there was the odd occasion Robert let his submissive side come out. But Aaron loved bottoming, craved it always in fact. He was ready to be fucked tonight. "So why don't you get on with fucking me." Aaron pushed, opening his thighs wider in invitation, his hand slipping down to finger his wet and slightly loose hole.

Rex watched Aaron's fit one, then two fingers into himself, his eyes were dark and glazed with lust. Growling, he took the bottle of lube on the side and smothered his fingers in it, it didn't take long for one of his fingers to join Aaron's two to stretch him. Fuck was the whole thing so erotic, Aaron felt close to coming again. He almost mewled when Rex fit a second finger inside him - he was now taking four fingers, all scissoring and brushing his prostate.

"I'm ready." Aaron whined, "Fuck me now." Rex smiled at Aaron's demand, but he didn't do what Aaron wanted or expected. He whipped off his tight briefs, revealing a huge, reddened cock and laid down on Aaron's bed. He tugged himself a few times, hardening the shaft even more.

"Ride me."

Aaron didn't need to be told again. He straddled the older man excitedly, desperate to feel his huge cock inside of him. He picked up one of the condoms, ripped the foil with his teeth and pushed the ribbed rubber down the thick shaft, moaning internally at its size, knowing it was going to be in him soon enough. He wasted no time sinking down in it, whining at the stretch and pleasurable burn.

"Fuck.. yeah... your hole is so tight..." Rex breathed out shakily, his hands tightening on Aaron's hips. Aaron smiled lustfully and inched further and further onto his cock until he was completely full with it.

It wasn't the cock biggest Aaron had ever had. There was this French bloke once in Calais who almost split Aaron's insides open, and there was Robert - so long and thick, he always felt deliciously giant inside Aaron. But Rex's girth still got Aaron's eyes watering from the burn. He took a moment to get used to the intrusion before he placed his hands on the headboard, either side of Rex's head and began rocking.

It was slow at first, only just barely hitting his sweet spot, so Aaron adjusted his hips and then - _bang! -_ there it was, suddenly his huge dick was hitting Aaron's prostate head on and he threw his head back in total pleasure, moaning and groaning loudly. His hips picked up pace then, he was bouncing in the older man's lap, using him to give him the pleasure he needed.

It was the best fuck he had in ages.

He was in so much ecstasy he could have lost his mind.

"Fuck Aaron, you feel so good. Don't stop." Rex demanded. His fingers were digging into Aaron's thighs, the muscles working as he lifted himself then quickly slammed back down onto his cock. Aaron's own cock was slapping against his jumper, he knew from how it was throbbing that he wasn't going to need to touch himself to come. He carried on bouncing rapidly, never faltering his movements, even if his thighs were getting tired with the constant movement. It felt too good to stop, Aaron was too greedy, so with one, two three more thrusts into his prostate, his cock eventually exploded, sending come shooting onto his jumper and Rex's stomach. Ropes of it.

Rex's eyes lit up watching Aaron's release, Aaron could have sworn he felt the older man get harder inside him because of it. He didn't stop his rocking, he carried on fucking himself on Rex's dick, wanting to bring the other man to climax. He was just about to slam down again when Rex took Aaron's thighs and flipped them, Aaron suddenly on his back and his leg resting on Rex's broad, tanned shoulders. He pummelled into Aaron then, fucking hard and so fast Aaron could feel himself getting hard again, a second orgasm threatening to spill out of him. 

Five more thrusts in and the man let out the loudest moan and filled the condom with his release, still deep inside Aaron's channel. With one orgasm down and another close, Aaron was hypersensitive, he couldn't stop the hiss from escaping his lips when the older bloke pulled out of him. He missed the feeling of being full immediately.

Seeing Aaron hard again, instead of laying down like Aaron expected, the mask of lust fell over his sweaty face and Rex stuck two fingers straight into Aaron's loose and used hole and started pressing relentlessly down onto his swollen prostate - Aaron almost howled in pleasure, tipping his head back and pushing his hips to met the man's fingers.

"Fuck...fuck...nggh...yeah." He couldn't form sentences, his vision was whiting at the corners with his second orgasm fast approaching. He kept fucking himself of the long, uncompromising digits.

"Look at you.....you are a masterpiece..." Rex said, but Aaron was barely paying attention. Not when he come untouched a second time, his dick weeping all over his dirty jumper.

Rex milked him through it, but soon Aaron was far too sensitive and pushed his hands away, "Stop, I can't anymore." He whined.

Rex smiled down at Aaron, his eyes possessive and in awe. "I would love to take you to some of my parties."

Aaron scoffed breathlessly, he knew exactly what he meant by 'parties' and he wasn't into that. "I'm not a swinger mate."

"It's a shame.....I know so many people who would love to be introduced to you." Rex said suggestively. His fingers were crawling up Aaron's thigh, getting closer to his too sensitive cock.

Not able and not wanting to go again, Aaron forced himself off the bed and made his way to his chest of drawers, pulling out a fresh jumper and pulled it on with his back to the other man. "You don't have to hang about, you can go now." It was rude and dismissive, but Aaron didn't care. He got what he wanted and he was satisfied. He didn't want conversations, especially ones about swinging - of all subjects.

"I understand." Rex said without offence. "How about I leave you my business card....in case you want to join my parties afterall?"

Aaron rolled his eyes, sighing tiredly. "Nah, your alright mate." He pulled on his boxers and a pair of slouchy shorts. A sign that their tryst was well and truly over.

Getting the message Rex dressed thankfully quite quickly, but hovered by Aaron's bedroom door. "I'll see you around then.....Aaron."

"Yeah, maybe." Aaron said non-committedly. He had no plans to see Rex again. The man nodded his head with an almost knowing smile, like he knew something Aaron didn't, and left Aaron's flat with a loud bang of the front door. Aaron let out a breath and laid down in bed, feeling achy and good all over. He would sleep like a log now.

Little did he know that a business card had been left stuck to his fridge.


	2. The Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a sad anniversary and Aaron bumps into a familiar face when drowning his sorrows.

_They were married! Yes it wasn't legal, there was no paper to state it was so, but it didn't matter. They were married!_

_Robert was his husband, and Aaron was Robert's. Aaron felt so happy he could have cried with joy, screamed his lungs out in elation._

_They were in the garage, the place where it all began almost three years ago. When Robert was a mysterious and frustrating temptation Aaron had been so desperate to unravel. They had fucked in the back of some poor bloke's car that night. Aaron on his back, his legs over Robert's shoulders as the older man pumped in and out of him at a blisteringly amazing pace. It was the stuff of porn, how hot and erotic the whole thing was. Aaron was caught on Robert's hook then....He got right under his skin._

_And now they were sitting in the same place, in wedding suits and beaming from ear to ear. Aaron was going to prison the next day, but that didn't matter. Because right there, and then, Aaron was with his husband and he was the happiest he ever felt._

_"I love you so much." He said from the whole of his heart, and he kissed Robert with everything he had afterwards._

_Robert deepened the kiss like he always did, pulling Aaron into his lap. Smiling so brightly as he said, "I love you too Mr Sugden."_

_Aaron was a Sugden now. Hearing that ignited something electric inside him._ _That's when Aaron started undressing Robert, starting with pushing away his suit jacket, next disposing of his blue tie, and then popping every button in his crisp white shirt open. He attacked the blond's exposed skin, kissing and sucking on his throat.....then his neck....his collarbones.....always going lower until he was met by his pink and hard nipples - standing proud in the cold of the garage._

_Aaron licked his lips before taking one of the nipples into his mouth, sucking on it like a baby then biting down on the nub, making Robert hiss and moan a "Fuck Aaron". He licked around the nub afterwards, letting the flat of his tongue soothe the sharp pain his teeth had left behind and Robert moaned in appreciation again._

_"Ahhh…..your mouth Aaron." Robert growled, "Your mouth will kill me one day."_

_Aaron laughed against Robert's chest, licking the skin there before making his way back to his husband's lips, kissing him with nothing held back._

_"I can't be having you die on me, you've got to stick around until your 80 or something." He whispered into Robert's ear, repeating the confession he made back in October, before they almost died in that car underwater together. They were so close to losing each other then, and now they had each other forever._

_"I'm never gonna leave ya....even if you want me to." Robert promised back, kissing Aaron silly afterwards._

_"I would never want you to." Aaron said defiantly. The thought of losing Robert was too painful to think about, his heart almost broke just contemplating it. Today wasn't a day to be sad though, so Aaron swallowed down the hurt and got back to seducing his husband by beginning to rock in his lap, rubbing his ass into Robert's crotch which was slowly hardening under the attention._

_"It's like that is it?" Robert's eyebrow was arched, his eyes glazing over with greeny lust. He started bucking up to meet Aaron's movement, making Aaron gasp._

_"Yeah.....yeah it is." Aaron moaned,_ _"Get in me husband?" He demanded with a bruising kiss._

_Not breaking their kiss for even a second, Robert got his hands under Aaron's legs and wrapped them around his naked waist, then somehow with Herculean strength, he got to his feet and carried Aaron over to one of the customer cars still parked inside and laid Aaron down on the bonnet._

_The metal was cold against Aaron's back, but he didn't care. He wanted Robert so badly, he couldn't wait any longer. Feeling impatient, he slipped off his jacket and shirt in record time, desperate to be naked. He was about to start on his trousers, but Robert batted his hand away._

_"Let me," He whispered with a loving smile. Aaron nodded his head and laid back down, watching the man above him in fascination. With a slowness that bordered on torturous, Robert pulled Aaron's trousers down his legs and started peppering kisses all the way from his ankles up to his inner thighs, stopping where his tight briefs lay._

_"Robert." Aaron gasped out. He felt like he was on fire and Robert hadn't even opened him up yet. He wasn't sure how he was going to last._

_"Shhh….I've got you." Robert soothed with a kiss on the lips, followed by others on Aaron's forehead, nose and chin. He peeled down Aaron's briefs then, Aaron's hard cock standing proud in the cold air, the tip glistening._ _"Such a beautiful cock." Robert praised and Aaron blushed slightly at the compliment -his cheeks flushing even more than they already were. "And it's all mine." He said possessively - fuck did Aaron love it when he was._

_"Yeah, it's your's, no one elses." Aaron agreed, lifting his hips up in a silent request to be touched. "Touch me, please?"_

_Robert always knew when to tease and when to not, thankfully today he knew just how desperate Aaron was and didn't waste any time taking Aaron into his mouth. Lowering down on the hard shaft to take him all the way immediately._

_"Oh Robert, oh god." Aaron keened at the wet, hot pleasure. Robert was bobbing up and down in long, tight, delicious pulls of his mouth, easing off every now and again to lick and suck at Aaron's leaking tip like a lollypop. Collecting all the juice from the slit and moaning in appreciation._

_"You taste so good, my husband." He said with wet lips, covered in his spit and Aaron's pre cum._

_"Don't stop, please - I need you." Aaron whined, tears of pleasure were beading in the corners of his eyes._

_"Shhh….don't worry....I'm looking after you." Robert smiled lustfully, bringing Aaron back into his lovely, experienced and godly mouth. He started playing with Aaron's heavy balls then, pulling and squeezing them just the way Aaron loved. No drug could ever have made Aaron feel better and more blissed out than Robert could. Aaron's husband was a god. His god._

_"Finger me." Aaron demanded with his breath catching, and thighs opening to expose himself. "I need you inside me." His hole was fluttering and clenching on it's own accord, desperate to be filled. Robert pulled off of Aaron's dick with a loud pop and stuck two lefthanded fingers into Aaron's mouth, encouraging him to get them wet._

_"Suck on them?"_

_Aaron did. He sucked and sucked, getting them as wet as possible. He could feel and taste the metal of Robert's wedding band against his tongue and he moaned out loud, knowing that it was going to be inside him soon._

_With his fingers sufficiently wet, Robert pulled them out of Aaron's mouth, leaving a kiss against his puffy, wet lips then trailed the wet fingers down Aaron's body, playing with his leaking bellend for a second, before dipping them down to his waiting entrance. He circled them slowly around the puckered skin, wetting the area wet and getting it fluttering excitedly. Aaron was writhing on the car at this point, needy and desperate. He mewled when Robert slowly pushed the first finger past the tight ring of muscle, his hole taking it right up to the first knuckle easily. Aaron was so ready._

_"Such a hungry hole. Always desperate to be filled isn't it?" Robert was the king of dirty talk, he was able to get Aaron on the brink of coming from some whispered, erotic words alone._

_"Yeah," Aaron nodded in complete ecstasy, "It's desperate to be filled by you...my husband." He whined, pushing down onto the finger that wasn't moving. He needed it to start moving. "Please move?"_

_Robert did as he was told, started pumping the finger in and out of Aaron's loosening hole, teasing his prostate every now and then. Just Aaron was loose enough, a second finger, his ring finger, joined the first and they scissored and stretched Aaron open slowly. Aaron was a mess now, Robert was expertly massaging his prostate with curling, relentless fingers, and his ring was rubbing against Aaron's inner walls. Aaron's dick was leaking so much, at the feeling. A pool of pre cum was collecting on his lower stomach._

_Because he was a bastard who loved to torture Aaron, Robert took Aaron's cock back into his mouth at the same time his third finger pushed in to join the working two. Aaron cried out so loud the whole village must have heard his pleasure, but he didn't care one bit. Robert's mouth and fingers were pushing him closer and closer to orgasm. He could feel it throbbing from his hole and coiling in his stomach. Robert needed to get in him quick._

_"Robert....Rob...I need you in me now, I won't last." He warned breathily, hands not knowing what to do with themselves. He settled for burying them in Robert's blonde hair, pulling him away from his cock. Robert's lips were beautifully puffy and wet, his fingers still pumping expertly inside as he gazed down at Aaron with a smug confidence that made Aaron love him even more._

_"Please?" Aaron begged when Robert made no move to get in him. ""Please just fuck me."_

_Robert nodded his head, pulling his fingers out and shimming out of his tight briefs. "Anything for my husband." He said lovingly, kissing Aaron as he lined up his thick, rock hard cock with Aaron's loose, wanting hole._

_Their tongues danced together as he started to inch forward slowly, pushing though and opening Aaron's walls more and more. They were both moaning wrecks by the time his pelvis hit Aaron's thighs. No room left between them._

_"God...Aaron you feel so good....so tight and warm." Robert marvelled out loud, his voice heavy and gravelled with lust._

_"And you're so big..... so good....just for me." Aaron replied back, moving his hips to tempt Robert to move. "Move Robert."_

_And boy did he move. Robert picked up a beautiful and destroying pace immediately, punching Aaron's sweet spot straight away, like he always did. It was like he has a sixth sense for it._

_They were one moving body then. Husbands making love and falling more in love with every second they were joined._

_Aaron was getting close to climaxing, his dick was leaking like crazy now and words were unable to form properly on his tongue. He wrapped a hand around himself and started wanking himself in time with Robert's thrusts, "Don't stop Rob, please don't.....I'm so so close."_

_"Me....me too baby." Robert moaned back, his hips pumping so fast, sweat was trickling down his temples, his eyes were burning with pleasure. He tightened his grip on Aaron's hips and somehow found an even faster pace, battering Aaron's swollen prostate. Aaron mewled with his head thrown back, his hand still moving until cum shot out his sensitive dick, spilling hot and wet onto his stomach and chest._

_He clenched down on Robert's cock like a vice and 10 seconds later his husband was pulled into his own orgasm....Shooting his load so deep into Aaron, it made the young man see stars and hum in bliss. He loved feeling Robert's release inside him, loved keeping a part of Robert there when he eventually pulled out._

_They both laughed breathily then, chests heaving with their activities. Robert dipped his fingers into Aaron's cum filled hole and pushed inside the loose entrance. "I love you so much my beautiful husband." He whispered against Aaron's lips, fingers deep inside and_ _enjoying feeling his seed there as he kissed Aaron breathless._

_Aaron groaned in pleasure, loving the feeling of his husband still inside him. "I love you too...husband."_

Aaron woke up from the memory/dream then. Hard and alone in bed. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and it wouldn't be the last - Aaron dreamed about Robert nightly. His mind couldn't help itself. And especially on a day like today. Their first wedding anniversary.

Aaron's heart clenched in pain at the thought, his eyes misty but he refused to cry. He knew he was going to feel like this, that's why he booked the day off work, knowing he needed to be alone. But laying in bed, staring up at the blank white ceiling feeling more alone than ever, Aaron thought maybe the day off had been a mistake. Perhaps the monotonous tasks at the garage would have been a good distraction from the gaping hole that this day ripped open again.

Pulling himself out of bed, Aaron decided to have a shower first. He stood under the hot spray and took himself in hand, bringing himself to release as the flashes of his dream/memory of this day four years ago still played through his mind. He had been so happy that day, Aaron didn't think he would ever feel that happy again.

The toast he made after his shower tasted like carboard in his mouth, after 4 bites he threw it in the bin and sat on his sofa, feeling lost and unsure of what to do with himself. He wondered if Robert was thinking the same, grieving the happiness they once shared together in that garage - of course he was.....knowing that his ~~husband~~ \- ex husband was suffering this pain alone in a prison cell broke Aaron's already damaged heart even more.

He put that sad thought to the back of his mind and switched on his xbox. The morning and majority of his day was taken up with mindless shooting and zombie violence. With his belly rumbling loudly, Aaron decided to quit his zombie killing quest and took to the London streets to get something to eat. He'd been walking around aimlessly, not knowing where to go order something when he decided that drowning his sorrows in pints of lager was a much better idea. He marched in the direction of his favourite bar, the "Prism" sign soon appearing in the distance.

It was 5 in the evening, the bar had only been open an hour so it was deadly quiet, the complete opposite to the rammed mass of bodies at the weekends. Aaron was only the third patron in the whole place. Not particularly minding that, he trudged up to the bar and ordered a pint. The bartender, a mixed race lad with attractive, huge eyes served him quickly, throwing Aaron a sympathetic smile as he accepted Aaron's money - he dreaded to think how he looked to warrant such a look from a stranger.

Ignoring the pity, Aaron turned away and clocked a table in the far corner, away from the randoms also in the joint. Making his way to the table, it was only then that he realised there was another patron sitting alone, hidden by an alcove. It took a second for recognition to figure out who it was.

Luke Posner.

He hadn't seen Aaron yet, so he was torn on ignoring the fellow northern lad, or saying hello. He hadn't seen Luke or his awful mother since he left Emmerdale, and he wasn't sure he wanted to have a reunion with him. They hadn't exactly hit it off.

But whilst he was slow to deliberate, Luke had looked up and his fed up face suddenly softened with recognition. "Aaron," He said in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Aaron threw back across the tables.

Looking sheepish, Luke looked down at this almost empty pint glass. "Drowning my sorrows. You?"

It felt good to know Aaron wasn't the only saddo drinking alone in the middle of the day, so he loosened his shoulders and shrugged. "Same."

Luke smiled slightly, nodding, "Wanna sit with me. We can drown in alcohol together?" He joked, but with his tired tone it fell flat and awkward.

Aaron's instinct was to say no. The word was on the tip of his tongue, but Luke was looking up at Aaron with such hopeful eyes, Aaron found himself saying the opposite and joining the other lad at his table.

The atmosphere was stilted and awkward between them, neither knowing exactly what to say to each other. Aaron took three massive gulps of his beer, not knowing what else to do. The silence stretched on, Aaron was really starting to think sitting there was a mistake, but then Luke finally found his voice to say. "How have you been?"

"Alright." Aaron said vaguely. Grieving for his and his ~~husband's~~ \- ex husband's first wedding anniversary, but he was alright. "You?"

"I'm alright....still getting used to London." Luke replied quietly, taking a small sip of his drink.

"How comes you're in a gay bar?" The words were out before Aaron could stop himself. He wasn't sure why he asked, he didn't particularly care for the answer.

"It's my favourite bar in the City." Luke shrugged.

"Really?"

Reading the surprise in his words, Luke laughed, "Why's that such a surprise?"

Aaron shrugged his shoulder, fighting a blush. "I don't know....I just thought you were straight, I guess."

Luke smiled, small and endearing. "Nope. I'm not actually." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a set of keys, revealing a dangling bi flag keyring. "I'm bisexual."

"Oh." A twitch of something Aaron couldn't (or wasn't ready to) name flashed through him at that new piece of information. He could feel his cheeks colouring slightly. "How's Victoria?" He asked to change the subject to less confusing ground.

He hadn't spoken to his ~~sister-in-law~~ \- ex sister-in-law in a while. He hoped she and his god son Harry were well.

A sad look washed over Luke's pale face, "I wouldn't know. We broke up ages ago." He sounded gutted by it.

And suddenly Aaron felt guilty for bringing Vic up. He cleared his throat and scratched absently at his eyebrow. "Oh." He said awkwardly, "Sorry to hear that." He didn't know what else to say.

Luke sighed and shrugged, "It's ok - well not really, I was gutted when we split....but I understand her reasons." He said sadly, eyes slightly wet.

Aaron nodded his head, then took a sip from his pint, feeling awkward.

"Do you ever think about Robert?" Luke asked unexpectantly, breaking the heavy silence between them.

Taken aback by the question, Aaron's eyes widened and his mouth opened with no words spilling out. He didn't like speaking about his ~~husband~~ \- ex husband. And he especially didn't want to talk about him to Luke, the brother of that scumbag rapist Robert rightfully wiped from the world.

"Because I think of Vic" Luke carried on, "I think about her all the time.....I know we could have been good together in some other universe where, you know.... _that,_ never happened." He said with sadness and regret. His vile brother's despicable actions towards Vic left unspoken but still turning the atmosphere sour. "I really wish things were different."

Aaron was surprised by just how open Luke was being. The slight slur to his words showed that maybe alcohol had a part to play in it. But even with the slurring, Aaron could still hear the pain behind the other lad's words. It was a pain Aaron unfortunately could relate to. He'd gotten lost in the millions of scenarios that his mind had conjured up since November 2019, each one he and Robert had been happy and together against the world. But he would soon snap out or wake up from the dreams (just like he did that morning) and he would realise he was alone again, and Robert was in prison. He wished things were different too.

That 'other universe' where the wrongs were put right that Luke had mentioned was tragically appealing to Aaron.

The other man couldn't have been feeling even a fraction of the pain and loss that Aaron was, but hearing how relatable his sadness was was a comfort to Aaron. It's why he found himself opening up too. "I think about Robert every day," He confessed. "I dream about him all the time too." He shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed, "I've accepted that we're over.....I signed his divorce papers, moved away from our village - but it still hurts.....Sometimes I miss him so much I could scream."

Luke's eyes were full of sympathy, his smile small and understanding. "Is that why you left the village?"

"In part, yeah. I just needed a clean slate." Aaron said with a sigh.

Luke hummed, "I left the village not long after you. My mum was doing my head in."

Aaron scoffed into his pint glass, "Well that's not a surprise."

"Meaning what exactly?" Luke narrowed his eyes at Aaron, but he didn't sound offended at all, more curious.

The alcohol was just starting to work its way into Aaron's system, loosening his tongue more than he'd like. "Your mum is awful. She doesn't deserve to be in Harry or Vic's lives after the way she treated Victoria when she was pregnant." He spat out angrily. Luke looked slightly taken aback by his outburst, but Aaron didn't give a fuck. He wasn't taking the truth back.

"Jesus," The lad laughed opposite him, "You don't mince your words, do you?" He asked without bite, his lips were ticking up in a smirk.

"Nope," Aaron shrugged, "I'm not wrong though, am I?" He questioned with an arching eyebrow. He smiled when Luke nodded in agreement.

"No, you're not." Luke sighed in disappointment, "She was awful to Vic...I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't listen to me....She never does....I'm not her perfect Lee."

Chas was a lot of things, but Aaron was glad she wasn't like Wendy. And even more glad that they didn't have a relationship like Luke had with his mother. Feeling slightly sorry for the bloke, Aaron got to his feet and pointed to Luke's now empty glass. "Want another?" He offered.

Luke smiled appreciatively, nodding, "Ta."

Their conversation changed to less controversial subjects when Aaron brought back their drinks. Films, music, cars - all harmless stuff. It was surprising how much they enjoyed each other's company. They hadn't had this time to get to know each other in the village. It was too full of heartache and sadness and anger for that.

They had been chatting and drinking for hours, the place slowly filling up, the later it got. The music had been turned up as well, forcing the two men to sit closer and sometimes have to speak into each other's ears. With alcohol buzzing in his system, Aaron allowed himself to stare at Luke. He was a good looking lad, fit body too. You'd have to be blind not to notice. Aaron had noticed in the village, though he was in the middle of a meltdown at the time, he wasn't in the right frame of mind to think too deeply into it.

They weren't in the village now though, and Aaron wasn't grieving in quite the same way. The weight of the hurtful past was so much easier to forget in London, so Aaron took his fill, enjoying the view which started to make him feel a little hot under the collar. Luke really was fit. "Do you wanna get out of here?" He found himself asking out of nowhere.

"Huh?" Luke said, sitting closer to hear better over the music.

"Do you wanna get out of here? My flat's, like, 15 minutes away....We could have some tins there?" He suggested, trying to sound cool and collected, not strangely nervous for no good reason.

Luke smiled and nodded his head happily. "Ok. Sounds good."

They walked in silence to Aaron's flat. They had left the club the wrong side of tipsy yet somehow the cold February wind managed to sober them both by the time Aaron opened his flat door.

It was a modest flat in a small apartment building. His neighbours were nice enough, there were three of them. Two girls and a boy. They, like Aaron, liked to keep themselves to themselves, but they were friendly when they ever bumped into each other. The flat walls were unfortunately paper thin though, which made days when either they or Aaron brought a hook up home rather awkward.

Aaron had been so embarrassed after his tryst with that Rex bloke a month ago. He could barely look at his neighbours when he bumped into them the next morning.

Opening the door wide, Aaron let Luke walk in first. He tall man looked around the small open plan flat with an impressed expression. "This flat is sound. It's much nicer than the one I'm renting....Mine's a dive." He laughed.

Aaron smiled slightly, hovering awkwardly by his kitchen. "Want a drink?" He offered.

Luke turned to face Aaron, "Sure."

"Alcoholic or....?"

"I should probably stick to water or something. I'm gonna have to walk home, it's best I'm not pissed." He joked, leaning against on of the kitchen cabinets, his eyes were a bright and attractive blue.

Aaron wasn't sure what came over him, but he found himself saying, "You can stay here if you like?" 

Luke's face creased with surprise, "Are-are you sure?" He asked unsurely.

It was too late to take the offer back now, so Aaron shrugged a shoulder, projecting casualness. "Yeah, I have a sofa bed over there." He cocked his head in the direction of his sofa, still rumbled from his xbox session earlier in the day. He'd bought it in case Liv ever wanted to stay over in between uni, he might as well test the functionality out.

Luke followed Aaron's eyes to the sofa, then turned back to him. Fully convinced. "Ok. Thanks.....I'll have whatever alcohol is on offer then." He smiled, the pleasant sight getting Aaron's heart racing slightly. What was wrong with him?

Internally kicking himself, Aaron ignored his heart's fluttering and went to his fridge, pulling out a six pack of beers. "Here," He offered one to Luke with a small smile. 

"Thanks," Luke took the can, their fingers brushing slightly as he did. Neither said anything, even if the touch got Aaron's skin prickling, he played it cool. Foam sprayed out of the can as Luke opened it. "What's that?"

Aaron followed his pointed finger to see a business card on his fridge. A business card he hadn't noticed until then. It said Rex Hughes - Vice President of Prism Media and Entertainment. The man must have left it there from before. How did Aaron never notice it before now?

Shaking off the confusion, he turned back to a curious Luke. "Some pushy hook up must have left it there. He's a swinger, asked me to join his 'parties'" Aaron explained, scoffing at the ridiculous offer.

"And will you....join them?" Aaron wanted to tell Luke to stop being so nosey, but at the same time he couldn't help noticing the slight air of jealousy in Luke's tone. Maybe he was reading it all wrong, but it didn't stop that twitch from flaring inside Aaron again, the twitch of.....desire? Interest? Intrigue? Whatever it was, Aaron liked it.

"Nah, it's not for me that." He shrugged, being truthful. He picked off the business card and threw it into the bin to prove his seriousness.

"Right." Luke smiled, it was a small and dare Aaron say it, relieved thing. Aaron then had no doubt that Luke _had_ been jealous of the thought of Aaron at the swinger party. Aaron realised he liked thinking of Luke imagining him in that way more than he should.

And he bit his lip as he watched the man walk across his flat to look through his games by the sofa. "Is that Call of Duty I see?" He asked Aaron over his shoulder.

Aaron took a sip from his can and nodded his head. "Yeah. D'you wanna play it?" He asked, making his way over to stand beside the tall man.

Luke sat down on the sofa and nodded his head excitedly. "Go on then." He smiled brightly.

Aaron smiled just as brightly back, picking up the disk and inserting it into his console. Today had been a sad day for him, but it looked like he'd managed to make a friend from it.


	3. The Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's another important and special date for Aaron, and he's feeling low. Luckily for him, he has a good friend looking out for him.

February, with its many anniversaries and wonderful memories of better day's gone by thankfully bleed through to March and then April quite quickly in the end. February hadn't been a good month for Aaron. It had somehow made him feel more lonely than ever before, missing what he lost more than ever before - but that was before Luke arrived in his life.

He and Luke had gotten close surprisingly quickly. They went out almost nightly, and not always to Prism, they did all sorts together. Sometimes they went to the cinema, other days they watched their favourite football clubs play in the sports bar around the corner from Luke's flat. They even went out for a curry and beer together every Thursday - those were Aaron's favourite nights. They were nights that made him almost feel normal again.

They also went out on the pull together, which felt weird at first, but after the first few nights in Prism and other clubs, their pulling nights out had become fun and sometimes hilarious. The characterful people they'd meet, the drunken antics they'd get up to, and the awful chat up lines they'd hear - their nights out were always eventful. And Aaron felt good to be able to laugh again. Aaron felt good to smile and feel carefree again.

He didn't notice the gaping Robert-shaped hole in his chest whenever he was around Luke. And for that, Aaron was more than grateful for his new friend.

April had been good month. Aaron had been the happiest he'd felt in months - breathing seemed easier, getting up in the morning wasn't a task anymore. It was the best he'd felt since July 2019. Yet, like always, Aaron's happiness was short lived, and all that positivity was immediately flipped on its head because of one single date.

The 22nd of April.

Robert's 35th birthday.

Aaron's dreams (like always) were plagued by his ~~husband~~ \- ex husband the night before, his mind supplying him with a memory montage full of snapshots of the birthdays he and Robert got to spend together. He'd celebrated three of Robert's birthdays with him, three birthdays full to the brim with sex and love and happiness. Aaron was suddenly struck with the strongest and most painful sense of grief knowing that it all was in the past and staying in the past. They wouldn't be making new memories on this day in the future.

He woke up in the morning with tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn't want to admit it (he hated that he still felt such longing) but he wished that they got to celebrate more birthdays with each other. He wished he could be with his ~~husband~~ \- ex husband now, celebrating his 35th with their little family. He could picture how it would go; their little one and Seb helping Aaron to bake their old daddy his birthday cake whilst he had the lie-in. Liv pretending not to care about the date, yet getting Robert the loveliest and most thoughtful gift of anyone. Aaron 'gifting' his husband a special morning blow job which would lead to him riding the birthday boy, both laughing as they tried and failed to keep their pleasure filled moans quiet. Vic, Diane, Chas, Paddy, Jimmy, Nicola and all the Dingles all piling into The Mill in the evening for drinks and food, all getting Robert to down shots and make him say a drunken speech that would make everyone cringe one minute, then cry the next.

He'd have done anything to have all that, he would have sold his soul if he could've. He would have been owned by the devil, but it wouldn't have mattered if he had Robert - if they had been happy.

Reality couldn't be changed no matter how hard you wish for it though. Aaron couldn't change the past. He knew that, felt that, and hurt because of that.

So what did Aaron do instead? He found alcohol - lots of it.

Sacking off work, he drank and he drank and he drank, until his head was swimming and his wounded heart was numb to everything. He vaguely registered his mobile ringing at some point, he was on his 6th beer at the time, Luke's name appearing on the mobile screen. Aaron couldn't talk to him, no matter how much he deep down needed a mate right then. He preferred to be alone. So he ignored the calls and the texts, just picked up another can and drained it of its golden contents, then picked up another straight after.

He must have fallen asleep at some point, because by the time he startled awake it was dark out, and he was slumped on his sofa like a pathetic sack of spuds, swallowed up by a depressing gloominess with not one single light on in the flat.

Groaning, he picked himself up, swaying unsteady on his feet suddenly. He was on the wrong side of drunk it seemed. After almost falling flat on his face, he almost fell over again as he jumped out of his skin - a loud knock on his door startling him.

"Aaron, it's me. Let me in yeah? I've been trying to call ya - I'm worried."

Luke.

Aaron groaned again, scrubbing his numb face with a clammy hand. He didn't make a move to open the door. Hopefully the other lad would get bored and go soon, leave Aaron to wallow in peace.

Except another knock came, followed by two others. "Come on Aaron. Open up, please?" Luke almost begged, concern heavy in his words. The knocking wasn't stopping. "I'm not gonna stop until you open up. So unless you want me to drive you and your neighbours insane, I'd suggest you let me in."

True to his threat, more knocks were banged against the door, louder and more frustrated. "Aaron. This is getting silly now." Luke pressed angrily, not letting up

Knowing the other lad wasn't going anywhere, Aaron sighed tiredly, gave up and stumbled over to the door, flinging it open with clumsy coordination. "What?" He asked rudely.

"Finally," Luke laughed, smiling brightly and ignoring Aaron's less than friendly welcoming. "Are you alright mate? I've been trying to contact you all day and you weren't at the garage when I checked in."

"M'fine." Aaron tried to convince, shrugging uncomfortably. He clearly failed in his attempt to convince his friend when Luke finally took in Aaron's awful appearance and his eyes immediately glazed over with sadness and concern. 

"Well you don't look it, to be honest you look like shit." he said worriedly, mouth downturned.

Aaron scoffed, turning his back on the lad. He was lucky Aaron hadn't smash the door in his face for that. "Thanks for that."

He heard Luke sigh behind him, then close the door. "I'm only being honest. You should try being it too.....Come on tell me what's wrong?" He tried to coax. Aaron suddenly felt his hand on Aaron's shoulder and on reflex his brushed it off and collapsed onto his sofa ungainly.

"There's nothing to tell. So leave me alone." His voice was tired and still heavy with drunkenness. He buried his head in his hands as a wave of nausea washed over him abruptly. He wasn't presenting a very good example of someone who was alright. His mate wasn't stupid.

Luke followed Aaron over to the sofa and sat down next to him. "Getting drunk, alone, in the middle of the day is you being 'alright' is it?" He said with a knowing arched eyebrow, concern still evident in his tone.

Aaron looked up at the other lad and frowned at him. "It's none of your business." He was good at pushing people away, always had been. He just needed Luke to go and he would try anything to make sure it happened, even if it was detrimental to him.

Luckily for him, his mate wasn't falling for his cold act though. "You're my mate, so yeah, it is." He said sternly, not fazed at all. He almost sounded offended that he needed to remind Aaron that he was.

"Well, you're not mine, and I don't know why you're here - so why don't you just GO!" Aaron hissed, attempting to get up off the sofa to get away from the look of sad, pitying concern swimming in Luke's blue eyes.

He gently grabbed hold of Aaron's arm and dragged him back down onto the sofa. "No, I'm not. Not until you tell me what's up." He demanded, his face hardened with a stubborn determination.

Aaron could be just as stubborn. "Nothing's up."

"Stop lying."

"I'm not."

Luke let out a frustrated groan. "Except you are. Aaron, please - just talk to me?" He sounded almost desperate now, wringing his hands and looking back at Aaron with so much worry it hurt Aaron to see. He hated seeing Luke that way.

And somehow that was what broke the wall inside Aaron, and he found himself spilling out the hurt that had been haunting him from the moment he woke up.

"It's Robert's birthday today." He finally admitted, saying it out loud made his heart lurch in his chest. "He should be with me, at Emmerdale. We should be married and have children and be happy - but we're not - he's not with me - we're both alone...…" The words fell out of Aaron's mouth as quickly as the tears that started leaking from his eyes. "Why am I not with him Luke!? Why did I have to lose him!? Why did it happen to us!?" He cried out, crushed and distressed and full of sorrow.

Luke's eyes were shining wet when he looked back at Aaron, his breaths shaky as he tried to hold back from getting upset. He needed to be strong for his friend. "Come here." He said sadly, pulling Aaron into a tight, warm and comforting hug, letting the devastated man cry onto his shoulder. "It's alright, let it all out. You're not alone." He said softly, rubbing his hand up and down Aaron's shuddering back. "I'm so sorry for everything Aaron. I'm so sorry."

Aaron clung tight to Luke like his life depended on it. In that moment, at the lowest of the low, his life probably did. The tears were pouring out, broken sobs ripping out from deep inside Aaron's devastated core. It was months and months of grief spilling over - Luke held him through it all, shushed and rocked Aaron comfortingly. Let Aaron's tears soaked through his jumper.

After what felt like hours, Aaron's tears eventually dried up and the sadness and pain he had been drowning in had morphed into embarrassment for dumping that tsunami of sorrow on his mate's shoulder. "I'm sorry, for....that." Aaron said shyly, his face blotchy from tears and an embarrassed blush.

"Hey," Luke squeezed Aaron's arm, "It's ok. It's what mates are for ey, supporting and looking out for each other." He smiled kindly. How could such a kind man be related to such a monster like his brother? "I'm just glad you're not bottling up how you feel anymore."

Clearing his throat, Aaron tried for a smile. "Thanks for being here for me." He looked away in embarrassment afterwards, sniffing quietly. He'd managed to sober up during his emotional breakdown and now he could take in the state of his flat. Cans were littering the coffee table, stacked up on top of each other in a messy pile. There was a frightening amount of them. What had he been thinking?

"Here, drink this to rehydrate." Luke passed Aaron a glass of water, Aaron took it with a thankful smile.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Luke shrugged, his eyes looking sad and concerned still. "How about I stay the night? We could order in a takeaway and stick a movie on - take your mind off things?" He suggested kindly. 

It sounded like a nice plan. "Yeah, sounds good." Aaron croakily agreed, appreciating how supportive Luke was being. He reached for his mobile and opened up the UberEats app, passing it to the other lad. "Your pick on what to order yeah?" It was the least he could do, he owed his friend for being there for him, for being such a good mate.

"Oh my god, how stupid can you be." Luke laughed, shaking his head at the ridiculous actions of the character in the awful horror flick they were watching.

Aaron laughed along with him. Horror characters really were a thick as shit at times. "It's movie-stupidity init." He shrugged, taking another bite out of his pepperoni pizza. 

"Yeah, but still. That took stupidity to a whole new level." Luke tucked his long legs under himself, sitting on the opposite end of the sofa to Aaron, his pizza box balancing on his knee.

"Stop your complaining, you picked the film." Aaron teased, smiling lightly, it was such a relief to be able to do so again. Today had been hard, the worst he felt since before he left for Scotland last year. He was sure this morning that he wanted to be alone and ghosted Luke because of it. Now he was so thankful of Luke's company.

"That doesn't mean I can't moan about it." Luke exclaimed in amusement, then stuffed the last crust into his mouth. He would never know just how thankful Aaron was to have him in his life.

His therapist had always told him to concentrate of the things he had in life, not the things he'd lost. And looking back at Luke with a smile, Aaron told himself that was exactly what he was going to do.

"I'll be picking the film next time. You're taste in movies is awful." Aaron promised. He didn't have Robert anymore, but he did have Luke, and that meant more to Aaron than words could say.

"No it's not." Luke argued back, smiling. "This isn't _that_ bad." He said with his head cocked towards the film still playing on the telly, eyes gleaming and bright.

"Yeah it is." Aaron smiled back. 


	4. The Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months have past since Aaron's emotional breakdown in April. He and Luke get closer.

"It will be fun, so come on what'd you say?" Luke asked excitedly, leaning against the counter, arms crossed.

"I'm not sure." Aaron replied, buttering the slice of toast in his hands.

Luke frowned, looking slightly disappointed. "Why not? Vic told me ages ago that you joined the Woolpack team - and that you were a pretty good player." He tried to encourage, his big blue eyes almost begging.

It was the summer now and Luke was desperate for the both of them to join his local Sunday league football team who were recruiting for new players. He'd spent the last 20 minutes or so trying to sell the idea to his mate. But Aaron was still unsure.

He and Luke had been close before Aaron had hit the other lad with an emotional equivalent to a tsunami in April, but since that painful day, their friendship had gone from strength to strength. They were inseparable. There were only a handful of days recently that Aaron hadn't seen the tall lad, and that was only because Luke was covering a colleague's compassionate leave at the French restaurant he worked at. Aaron loved Luke's company and he'd grown to really depend on the other lad, but at the same time he was worried they were spending too much time together - that their friendship was a little too intense - and that he was depending on Luke too much.

Feelings were getting complicated. 

As much as he loved football and would have loved joining the team, Aaron knew adding football training and matches into their already very close schedules could be too much - they would practically be living in each other's pockets then. Aaron needed some space.

"I dunno…..I'm not sure I'd like to bog myself down to such a commitment." Aaron shrugged. "I wouldn't want to let anyone down if I couldn't be bothered to turn up one training session or whatever." It was a bad excuse, but Aaron didn't know what else to say. Admitting the truth didn't seem like the best idea. He didn't want to make a bigger deal out of things than necessary.

"Aaron I know you," Luke said with a laugh. The thought that they had been friends and close for long enough now that Luke _knew_ Aaron...well...Aaron's stomach did a weird somersault within him and a blush sent his cheeks rosy pink. Yeah, feelings were getting complicated alright.

"You would never not turn up because you 'couldn't be bothered' - you'll probably end up being more into it than me." His friend smiled, and Aaron was relieved that Luke was as oblivious to Aaron's....crush? as he always was.

"I don't know Luke." Aaron bit his lip, still feeling reluctant no matter how much he secretly loved the idea of joining a team.

"Pleeeaaase?" Luke asked childishly, his eyes cheeky and bright as he clasped his hands together to beg. Aaron chuckled at his idiot friend and ignored his stomach fluttering with that something again. It was happening more and more in Luke's company, Aaron noticed. It scared him a little if he thought too deeply into it - so he didn't think into it. Or tried to anyway.

Luke was too irresistible though, like always. Aaron found himself caving under his adorable, pleading gaze. 

Rolling his eyes, he bit into his toast, "Fine." He sighed, speaking around the chewed bread in his mouth and Luke fist pumped the air like he was a five year old or something.

Why was Aaron mates with him again?

"Yes, Aaron!" Luke cheered, squeezing Aaron's shoulders affectionately. Aaron's skin could still feel his touch even after his friend had let go. He was burning with it.

Fuck!

"Don't get too excited, we might not even pass the trials." Aaron laughed, ignoring his own ridiculousness and not wanting to get too carried away.

"We will." Luke said confidently and he stole Aaron's other slice of toast from his plate, taking a massive bite into it immediately.

"Hey." Aaron groaned, watching Luke flop down onto his sofa with his trademark smirk. The cheeky bastard.

**~ * ~**

They both passed the trials with flying colours.

Aaron didn't want to admit it, but Luke was a great player. He had the fitness, the skill, the confidence - he had it all. For someone so tall and lanky, Luke shouldn't have been that good, he shouldn't have looked so good as he worked across the pitch, darting between the cones laid out with ease and following up with surprisingly accurate shots on goal. He was almost mesmerising to watch, and Aaron had to force himself to stop acting like the human version of the heart eyes emoji whenever he watched his friend complete the trial drills set out for him.

It was getting ridiculous now, Aaron was ridiculous. He was a 29 year old man, not a teenage girl with a crush. He knew it was only a matter of time before Luke clocked on to Aaron's feelings, and he wasn't sure where that would leave their friendship. It wasn't worth the risk of losing Luke, so Aaron made sure to concentrate on completing the drills as best as he could. Luckily he was as good a player as Luke and he completed the sets of exercise easily. He even found himself enjoying the buzz of adrenaline pulsing through him from the tough work.

The coaches inevitably told both boys that they'd made the team on Wednesday, meaning they were being thrown into the deep end and were playing their first match the following Sunday. Both Aaron and Luke were beyond excited, and also a little nervous in Aaron's case.

The match had been a great taster of what was to come with the team. They won 3-1, Aaron scoring two of the goals. They were both in the teammates' good books already.

Aaron was buzzing as they made their way off to the changing rooms afterwards, all his new team mates clapping him on the back in congratulations. He'd almost made it off of the pitch when he felt a familiar arm drag itself across his shoulders, pulling him into a side hug. "You were amazing today." Luke whispered in Aaron's ear. The heat of him seeped into Aaron's body and he felt the now familiar warmth flutter inside him. He couldn't hold back his smile.

"Thanks. You weren't bad yourself." Aaron complimented, allowing himself to hug Luke back, he smelled like sweat and grass and something Aaron could feel himself growing so very fond of.

"I was ok. I let their number 4 get past me too easily. He wouldn't have slotted that ball through for their goal if I'd stopped him." Luke shook his head, frustrated at himself for it. There was an uncharacteristic blush to the lad's cheeks, embarrassment making him flush red. It was an adorable sight.

They reached the changing room and found their bench where their belongings were left. Aaron bumped his shoulder into his friend's. "It doesn't matter. We ended up scoring three goals." He comforted. He didn't want to see his friend upset with himself over something so silly.

"Yeah, I know. But still."

"But still, it doesn't matter." Aaron smiled, pulling off his sweaty shirt and chucking it next to him. He'd missed how fondly Luke had been staring back at him, like he thought the whole world of Aaron. Aaron had been missing those looks a lot. "So no more beating yourself up, you. We did good tonight." Aaron said, turning back to his friend.

Luke nodded his head, smiling back at Aaron. "You're right." He conceded, knowing he was being silly. "We did do good - you especially. We should go out and celebrate our victory."

Aaron pulled out his showergel and towel from his bag, Luke doing the same. "Are you sure? Don't you have an early shift tomorrow?" Aaron checked, walking to one of the showers and turning the water on. The showers were open and half full with their team mates already.

"Very sure." Luke smiled, turning one on next to Aaron's. He quickly whipped off his shorts and underwear and stepped under the hot water to start cleansing. He wasn't bothered about privacy in the slightest, but he was fit, he had nothing to be embarrassed about.

Aaron had to try very hard not to look at his very naked friend beside him. He himself wasn't comfortable for Luke or anyone else to see his scars so he stood with his back to Luke and the rest, cleansing himself quickly before slipping out of the shower.

He was fully dressed by the time Luke swanned out of the showers, his towel wrapped low on his slender hips. "So, are we going out?" he asked excitedly. "I'll buy the first few rounds if we do."

With that information helping to sway Aaron, he nodded. "Yeah, alright then." 

That's how they found themselves in Prism, huddled close on their small table by the side of the bar. Like always Aaron was enjoying Luke's company, he made Aaron laugh with his terrible jokes and anecdotes about his work and old friends back up north. Their conversations were never false or stilted or awkward. He hadn't been so comfortable in another person's company since.....well since his ~~husband~~ \- ex husband.

They were on their fifth pints now and Aaron was feeling the whispers of drunkenness already. That meant he was letting his guard down and he couldn't stop himself from staring at Luke, taking in the lovely features that Aaron was slowly starting to know so well. Luke was staring right back at Aaron, smiling brightly and...dare he say it, fondly. They were sitting so close, there was barely any space left between them. Their body heat was intermingling, their lips were centimetres apart.

There was a voice screaming in Aaron's head to make a move, to reach out and kiss Luke. His lips were so close, so tempting -

"Excuse me, is it alright if we sit here?" A young lad, probably Aaron's age, maybe younger asked, interrupting the moment by pointing to the two spare seats at their table, his friend was hovering behind him. Lad number one was tall like Luke, soft brown hair styled to perfection and his right eyebrow was pierced. Whereas his friend was shorter, stockier. He was watching Aaron very closely, attraction was coming off him in waves.

Aaron was about to say no to lad number one's question, but Luke spoke first. "Sure. Go for it." He smiled, friendly and kind. Because that's what he was wasn't he. He was the complete opposite to Aaron.

He had to fight the urge to roll his eyes when the two lads sat down with a nervous energy about them that meant only one thing. They were trying to pull. "So....what's your names?" Lad number one asked, confirming Aaron's suspicions.

Luke smiled at them kindly, playing along. "I'm Luke and this is Aaron." He said indicating Aaron with his thumb. "Yours?"

"Will." Lad number one said, eyes looking appreciatively at Luke. He never bothered looking Aaron's way, his eyes were on one person only.

Aaron felt something strange spike through him suddenly, piercing and uncomfortable - putting him in a mood he didn't want. 

"I'm Jamie." Lad number two said without prompting. Aaron could feel the lad's eyes boring into him, that sense of attraction still coming off him in waves. It somehow made him feel even more irritated then he always was. He wanted to tell the boy to fuck off.

"Cool." Luke said awkwardly, not knowing what else to say.

"Can I get you another drink?" Lad number one - sorry 'Will' said, indicating Luke's almost empty pint glass. The invitation didn't extend to Aaron, he noticed. His mood went from bad to worse. He felt unfortunately sober suddenly, too sober to deal with the pair of idiots hanging around like a bad smell.

So that's how an amazing night with Luke had turned into an awful one with 'Will' practically draping himself all over Luke, and 'Jamie' trying and really, really failing to flirt with Aaron. Luke seemed to be taking the attention in his stride, he seemed to be enjoying himself, he liked the boy. Whereas Aaron was hating every second of it all, and he certainly wasn't into lad number two. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He wouldn't normally be like this with a potential one night stand.

No, that was a lie. He knew exactly what was wrong with him. Though he'd be damned to admit it to himself.

"How'd you fancy coming over to mine?" Lad number one's question to Luke was loaded with suggestion, his eyes were glazed over with that kind of charged lust you got when you knew you were pulling.

Luke's eyes cut to Aaron's for a second. "Erm….I-" He was looking at Aaron with a strange look in his eye, like he was silently asking Aaron to say something, do something - but Aaron didn't know what. He couldn't sit there and tell the bloke to fuck off, it wasn't his choice to make. Luke wasn't his - he had to ignore the crushing feeling in his gut at that reminder.

So Aaron stayed silent, and a frown creased Luke's brow ever so slightly. Aaron wasn't sure for definite, but he swore he saw disappointment clouding Luke's face momentarily. "Sure, why not." Luke smiled at lad number one brightly, getting up from his seat. "See ya later Aaron, yeah."

Feeling utterly confused but mainly disappointed by what had happened, Aaron frowned back at his friend. "Yeah. Later, mate."

He watched Luke and lad number one walk away, smiling and laughing together, with regret heavy in his stomach. The urge to run after Luke and stop him was embarrassingly and uncomfortably strong.

**~ * ~**

**GAME OVER**

The words had been staring back at Aaron for god knows how long now, his enthusiasm for shooting web slingers and swinging through the sky scrapers on his xbox game had long gone. Luke was currently out on a date with Will, meaning Aaron had the pleasure of his own company tonight. Luke had met up with Will three times since that night at Prism. Despite his atrocious mood, Aaron had taken the mate Jamie? Josh? Jonah? - whatever the fuck the mate's name had been, back to his place. They fucked like Aaron had wanted, then he kicked the lad out like he always did with one night stands - Get in, then Get Out being his motto.

Luke clearly didn't follow the same rules. Aaron couldn't believe he was on yet another date.

Feeling a bit pathetic just sitting there, Aaron turned off his console then trudged to his bedroom, collapsing onto his bed with a sigh. An early night (if you could call midnight that) wouldn't do Aaron any harm, except he didn't feel tired at all......he felt something else.....something that made a blush spread across his face when he thought too deeply about it and kept him wide awake...

.....he felt jealous.

Jealous that Luke was out, having a good time without Aaron. Jealous that, unlike Aaron, he was able to date other people, despite still loving someone else. And the most scary part, the part he desperately wanted to pretend wasn't real, but it unfortunately and embarrassingly was......he was jealous that his friend was sleeping with someone who wasn't Aaron.

Aaron had tried to put his feelings for the lad to one side. He tried not to think inappropriate thoughts about his mate in the weeks they'd been getting closer. Having unreciprocated feelings for a friend, he'd been there, he'd done that with Adam. He didn't want to do that again. He was an adult and he should have known better. He should have been able to control himself better.

But his jealousy and feelings were undeniable. He wanted Luke. Badly. He needed him.

That was why he found himself calling his mate's mobile, knowing he would be interrupting his date and not caring in the slightest. He had to speak to Luke, he had to see him.

"Aaron, are you alright?" Luke's worried voice cut in after only three rings of the phone.

"I-" Aaron s ability to speak left him, the realisation of what he was doing finally sinking in.

"Aaron, what's up?" Luke prodded, still concerned. He didn't deserve to deal with Aaron acting like a moron, the guilt of his actions weighted heavy on Aaron suddenly. What the fuck was he doing?

"Nothing. Nothing. Sorry, I shouldn't have interrupted yours and Will's date." He apologised quickly, feeling mortified and ready to hang up.

"No don't be silly." Luke kindly dismissed. His voice was honeyed with that softness that reminded Aaron of Robert. It was calming and so very comforting. "What's wrong?" He asked again.

"I need you." Aaron found himself saying. The truth of the statement probably not meaning what Luke thought it meant.


End file.
